Selflessness is the Dead End for Women

1

Recently, around 10 p.m. every night, a war drama unfolds at the doorstep of my neighbor’s house — the ex-wife accuses the unfaithful husband. It’s really punctual, within a five-minute window, and driven by my inherent gossip spirit, I lie on the door carefully verifying the details.

In the first couple of instances, the ex-wife was alone outside, her local accent too heavy, and her pace too fast. All I could make out was her alternating between lamenting and accusing, rising and falling in front of my house. The man, however, remains silent, not opening the door, not responding, not taking the bait. I figured it was a cold war tactic, thinking that after a few rounds, the ex-wife would find it uninteresting and leave.

But the ex-wife is quite persistent, coming back for the same performance every night. Eventually, the man couldn’t hold back anymore, probably feeling the negative impact. Despite having a neighbor like me who tolerates this, he cares about his image. So, after two or three rounds, the man takes the bait.

At first, it’s a calm and low conversation. Gradually, the volume rises, and then it’s a full-blown argument. During these fights, the man’s local accent is also heavy, and I can’t understand most of what’s being said. However, the intensity of their exchange, the back-and-forth attacks, are vivid and clear. This continues for about half an hour, both parties losing their voices, and then a ceasefire.

The next night, the cycle repeats.

As a woman confined to her home, I, who was bored to death, finally found a bit of excitement in the monotonous life, haha.

But…

Well, truth be told, I’m not that nosy. I don’t really want to eavesdrop on the quarrels of a divorced couple. What I really want to know is how this ex-wife, filled with grievances from head to toe, ended up in such a tragic situation.

It’s really heartbreaking — at the age of forty, being abandoned by a man. Clearly, the man was at fault first, having an affair, but during the divorce, the house, the store, savings, and even the son ended up in the man’s hands.

Now, the man and his second wife are living happily together, the little son is already toddling, and the elder son gets along harmoniously with his stepmother. Meanwhile, this woman who comes every night to vent, has no fixed place to stay, is plagued by illness, has no job or income, and looks old and haggard.

— That’s the entire content of the woman’s complaints. Although I can’t understand their arguments, I am, in fact, an informed party.

I am quite informed.

There’s a reason behind all of this.

Half a year ago, one afternoon, the woman knocked on my door, wanting me to help her make a call to a local TV station, to complain about her ex-husband’s heartlessness. I couldn’t assist for various reasons — I couldn’t find the host’s number, and I didn’t want to meddle in others’ affairs.

However, during that conversation, the woman spoke Mandarin, and she took the opportunity to confide in me about her grievances with her ex-husband. So, I became an informed party.

Listening to her story, I couldn’t help but sigh. How much hardship must have filled a woman’s mind to sacrifice herself to this extent? Honestly, I wouldn’t be able to do it even if I were beaten to death.

But she did it.

Therefore, her situation is truly pitiable.

2

To be honest, setting aside other things, my impression of the man in the neighbor’s house is actually quite good. Initially, because we bought and renovated our houses around the same time, living door to door, we inevitably discussed renovation issues. Even though I’m quite the homebody, I got to know him.

The first impression is not bad. The man is around 1.8 meters tall, well-built, with a square face, thick eyebrows, and big eyes. At that time, he was around thirty-five or six years old, a prime age for a man.

He usually wears sportswear, and the brands are decent. The only thing… his demeanor is average, and in his speech and behavior, you can somewhat tell that his cultural literacy might not be too high. He seems to belong to the group that surrounds and successfully occupies the city from the rural areas.

This was quickly confirmed when I discovered that the man had a store at the entrance of a shopping mall I often visited, selling a certain brand of cosmetics. There were several lively young girls working in the store. Once, I bumped into him at the entrance, and he warmly greeted me, generously waving his hand, telling me to pick anything I liked. Fortunately, I’m the type who doesn’t wash her face for three days and hasn’t touched makeup in half her life, so I probably wouldn’t have been swayed by that gesture.

But you could see that the man’s personality is not bad, at least he’s not stingy. Moreover, he loves sports. If I happen to take an early stroll in the neighborhood after a few days, I’m sure to encounter the man running in circles, wearing a tank top and shorts when the weather isn’t too cold, muscles on his thighs and arms bulging.

It could make a slightly flirtatious woman secretly swallow her saliva…

At that time, his ex-wife was still by his side. She wasn’t ugly either, tall and slim, with short hair, looking quite capable. Just that she lacked grooming, dressed in a plain and dull manner.

Their son was around twelve or thirteen at that time, a handsome young lad.

Back then, they bought a large apartment, and in this area, it was the most expensive. Even I, as a numerical idiot, could figure it out by counting on my fingers. Their economic situation shouldn’t be too bad.

After the renovation was complete, when the house had been exposed to sunlight for a while, I moved in. The man’s family had already moved in a few days before me.

That’s how we officially became neighbors.

3

Becoming real neighbors, we didn’t have much interaction. One reason is that I’m a homebody, rarely leaving the house. Another is that our daily routines don’t align, making it difficult to run into each other, even if I do go out. We might not see each other for ten days, half a month, or even longer.

On the other hand, I occasionally encounter the refined young lad from his family in the elevator. He studies at a nearby prestigious high school, doesn’t talk much, blushes when he smiles, and has facial features resembling his dad. It’s not an exaggeration; I’ve watched him grow taller like bamboo shoots in the elevator, from middle school to high school, reaching around 1.9 meters.

During this period, the boy’s parents divorced. One day, as I was leaving to throw out the trash, I happened to meet the man and a young woman entering the elevator. The woman was quite young, maybe around twenty-three or twenty-four, with an apple-shaped face and fair skin — not particularly trendy but moisturized. Moreover, she had a large belly, at least six or seven months pregnant. When the man entered the elevator, he considerately supported the woman.

I was momentarily stunned. The man greeted me, and I smiled back while still feeling bewildered. It was evident that the two were openly coming and going together, indicating a formal relationship. In other words, the man not only got divorced but also had a child with his new partner during these years when I was diligently staying at home.

However, my surprise was brief. After all, it’s someone else’s business, and such situations are common nowadays. Nothing unexpected or extraordinary. I closed the door and continued with my own life.

Until half a year ago, the man’s ex-wife knocked on my door, emotionally sharing the details of the situation. I tried to stop her, not wanting to actively involve myself in such gossip, but I couldn’t prevent her. She insisted on not leaving until she finished speaking, seemingly a bit obsessed at that moment.

So, she poured out her tragic story, and I, in return, offered my… sighs. There was a bit of sympathy, but very little. I couldn’t help but unkindly think that, in the end, it’s not so much that the man is scum; it’s more that the woman’s saintly nature exploded, enabling the man’s scumminess. She just didn’t love herself enough.

4

Your thoughts align quite closely with mine. This once loving couple got married at the tender age of eighteen or nineteen, dissatisfied with the poverty in their rural hometown. After marriage, they moved to the provincial capital to make a living.

Initially, they worked for others in a hair salon. The woman, being skillful and quick to learn, soon became capable on her own. They borrowed money to open a small storefront and started their own salon. At that time, hairstyling was just hairstyling, without much extravagance. They earned money through their craftsmanship, which was quite challenging. The woman did the hairstyling, and the man handled the finances, making ends meet.

In the beginning, to save money, the couple worked during the day and slept on the floor in the shop at night. Later, when the woman became pregnant, they managed to rent a storage room to live in.

In short, it was a myriad of hardships, bitter moments, and mutual dependence. Despite the challenges, according to the woman, she never felt wronged by the man. She provided him with the best food and clothing, willingly pampering him. She found joy in spoiling him.

Slowly accumulating some savings, they expanded to a larger storefront. The hairstyling business also prospered, especially with the introduction of perming and coloring services, making their earnings much faster than before.

Later, the man wanted to start his own venture. With the money, he became an agent for a certain cosmetics brand, opening a store on a busy commercial street and becoming his own boss. The woman was even happier than the man. She was the type who felt it was her duty to pamper her man. However, she always believed firmly that such efforts would be reciprocated with the same affection.

In return, she expected a lifetime of mutual care and gratitude from her son. Yet, when things started to get better, a new lover entered the picture. This new lover wasn’t just anyone; she was the woman’s distant niece.

While they weren’t extremely close in terms of blood relations, they were not too distant either. Hence, the woman decided to interfere, bringing her niece from the rural hometown to live with them. The woman thought that it was a waste for her young and beautiful niece to be left in the countryside, so she took her in, hoping she could have a brighter future.

In this matter, the woman once again showcased what she perceived as her kindness. She not only provided her niece with a job but also allowed her to live in their house. After all, family is family.

However, the niece didn’t appreciate her generosity. Instead of merely staying in their house, she ended up in the woman’s bed, directly taking away her man.

5

Collapse, right?

If it were me, besides considering grabbing a big cleaver and chopping off this pair of unfaithful individuals, I would definitely ensure the man leaves with nothing. Whether who is right or wrong doesn’t matter anymore. This damn thing can’t be judged in terms of right or wrong, even if chopping them up is just to vent frustration.

However, she didn’t. She endured it. The reason for enduring was… for the sake of her son. I don’t know how the man managed to do it, but not only did he make the woman sign the divorce agreement, but he also got her to agree to… leave with nothing.

According to the woman, her son was still in high school at that time. The man promised her that the investment property they owned would be put under their son’s name, providing for him. After all, whether for college or marriage in the future, the expenses would be substantial, and the son would bear the burden.

By that time, the woman’s health had already deteriorated. It seemed she had suffered from a cerebral hemorrhage with some lingering effects. Her movements were not as agile, and the hair salon had to be sold. The funds were kept in the man’s cosmetics store. However, the man showed her the account books, explaining that due to online competition, the physical store had been struggling in recent years, barely making any money, sometimes even running at a loss.

In other words, there were no savings. Furthermore, the current residence was under the man’s name, and there was still an outstanding mortgage. The man said he would repay the mortgage and rent a place for the woman. Regardless of whether the store made a profit or not, he would provide her with a monthly living allowance.

The woman… agreed.

At that time, not only did the woman agree, but she also thought the man had it quite tough. Considering the unfaithfulness, the other party was her niece. Having a falling-out would make things difficult back in her hometown. Her own health was not good, and the man’s arrangements seemed suitable (really, it’s just appropriate).

6

They divorced just like that. The man indeed rented a house for his ex-wife and provided a monthly living allowance. He persisted for six months. After six months, when the woman’s lease expired, the man didn’t renew it, and the living allowance stopped. The reason was simple: the man needed to support his son in college, and the younger son had been born. Therefore, he couldn’t afford to support the woman anymore. He couldn’t spare a penny.

The woman’s financial awareness probably awakened at this point, but it was already too late. During this time, the man had meticulously concealed his so-called assets and turned the tables. According to him, he had no obligation to support the woman, and not asking for child support for their son was already an act of kindness.

The man showed the woman the accounts, emphasizing the enormous expenses for their son, all of which he endured. He claimed he simply couldn’t afford to support her anymore. From then on, they owed each other nothing.

It was at that point that the woman began her accusations, visiting every now and then to vent her grievances. The man rarely responded, and his family mostly avoided confrontation. During the day, they weren’t at home, and at night, they pretended not to be at home, letting the woman create a commotion on her own, which was futile.

In the most intense period, the woman called the emergency number, reported to the media, and sought assistance from various hotlines, depicting a story of a heartless and unfaithful man. It didn’t solve any problems.

The woman’s health was already fragile, and the continuous torment of resentment and hatred accelerated her aging. What she found most difficult to accept was that after all the sacrifices for the man and their son, she couldn’t retrieve anything — neither the man, nor the son, nor the life security that should have belonged to her, including her health.

What she held in her hands was only this intangible resentment. The most tragic part of this nearly half-month melodrama concluded in a way no one could have anticipated: that night, it wasn’t the man who came out to face her accusations; it was their son, a tall and handsome young man in his twenties.

The young man spoke Mandarin, so even through my not-so-thick security door, every word was clear as day (especially since I was already eavesdropping). The young man said, “Please don’t come again, Mom. If you have no shame, at least we want to maintain ours.”

At that moment, it felt like something pierced through my heart. I wanted to curse but choked on my words.

7

After that, she never came again. The nights outside the door finally became quiet. In fact, the next morning, I saw her son, the white-eyed wolf.

A tall, handsome young man.

I encountered him in the elevator, and as usual, he smiled at me, a bit shyly. I knew that after his parents’ divorce, he chose to stay with his dad and got along well with his young stepmother. Several times, I saw him playing with his younger brother in the community space, and both seemed happy.

He was indeed a white-eyed wolf, but surprisingly, I could understand him to some extent. Compared to someone who only knew how to give, never asked for anything, and monotonously transformed herself into an old, unattractive woman, he might prefer the life created by his own father — moist, comfortable, decent, and even lusting after beauty. At that age, he still had the charm to attract young girls.

In his eyes, this kind of life was vibrant, flavorful, alive, with infinite possibilities. Even the stepmother who had taken the place of his mother as the third party was decent, well-dressed, and enjoyed life. In his son’s eyes, this kind of life was fragrant, enjoyable, and full of vitality.

His biological mother, on the other hand, was dull, boring, stagnant, without excitement or brilliance. Despite all the years of selfless dedication, it was merely a disregard for herself.

This vivid example tells us that selflessness is a woman’s weakness. As a woman, don’t think that sacrificing yourself for a man will make him grateful and appreciate you. The same goes for children. If you want them to value you, you must maintain your dignity. Dress well, eat well, and know how to take care of yourself, not just giving the best to men and children while neglecting yourself.

Most importantly, keep moving forward and become a better version of yourself. If you don’t give up on yourself, others won’t give up on you. Sacrificing oneself doesn’t create a grateful marriage; it only results in a diminished self. It’s not worth it.