Keys of Men and Women

1

New Year is approaching. Normally, the company does not hire people at this time. She came for the interview on a day that he had just returned from a business trip. He saw her through the window, sitting by the flower bed outside the building for a long time, like a stray cat.

“Who’s that girl?” he asked the HR representative who came to report to him. The HR claimed that there was currently no shortage of staff and besides, New Year is just around the corner. The company’s recruitment notice is posted year-round on job sites, just like every other company. He told her to come back the next day for another interview.

The young girl was job-seeking around the New Year. That meant she either had no place to go or she couldn’t afford to go home. He’d had the same experience before.

Back then, he was a stranger in a new city, hustling for work: small jobs, big jobs, sand sifting, truck loading, he ran wherever work was available. When the holiday period was approaching, everyone was grabbing home-bound tickets but he didn’t. The foreman arranged a place for him — a makeshift shelter assembled from corrugated iron — to keep watch of the construction site. It felt like a dream.

He was ready to sleep under bridges and having a place to shelter from the wind and rain was simply heaven. In tears, he thanked, bowed, and nearly knelt before the foreman who went from surprised to impatient.

“You nuts?” the foreman exclaimed.

He couldn’t comprehend the foreman’s reaction back then. When you say thank you to somebody, aren’t they supposed to say “you’re welcome”? Why did the foreman look so annoyed?

After surviving, bit by bit, he learned that nobles didn’t need thanks from lowly people. He viewed himself as an ant. Yet he felt lucky. He heard a story on the radio that mayflies only live for a day — born in the morning, dying at night. He felt stronger than them.

Later, he met a benefactor. The older brother took him along wherever he went: to Xinjiang to pick cotton, to Shandong for construction work, to Tibet to fix temples, wherever money could be earned, they would go. They stood on the green car of the train — a stand that would take several nights. His legs were swollen and could not be lifted, his body was foul-smelling. It’s said that you can’t smell your own scent but he could. He had no choice but to endure it, so did others.

The older brother wanted to take more wages, he didn’t mind. His brother had a wife and children at home, parents to take care of, while he had no family, no need for much expenditure. He thought that it was already good that his brother was willing to keep him company. He had never had someone so committed in being with him.

Later, his brother’s wife couldn’t stand long-distance relationships, his brother left first. He wandered around the world like a lost soul. His stay in Tibet was longer, where there were many temples, their magnificence left him in awe, making him appear like a devout believer. Believers formed a community, he felt less alone just imagining it.

After an untraceable number of years, he began to miss his brother. He located his brother’s village with the address he had mentioned before. Though the entire village had been relocated, he finally found his brother with a face covered in dust and grime, almost bursting into tears.

“Look at you, crying and sniffing like a woman,” his brother replied. His brother was planning a renovation company. All the nearby villages were to be relocated, new houses needed renovation, excellent business opportunities lay ahead. His brother was ready for everything except for the funding.

And he had nothing but money after all those years.

One provided the funds, the other the connections and so began their Four Seas Renovation Company. The company grew bigger and added interior design services. They recruited college students for the job. He was initially incredulous about two illiterate men like them managing to recruit anyone. But surprisingly, people did come. Gradually the company expanded, all departments worked harmoniously, and they almost didn’t need to step in except for negotiating business deals.

He was already 53 — an age when a man understands his destiny. While others began their life journey in their twenties, he finally found stability in his fifties.

It all felt like a dream.

2

The annual meeting had many programs and there was also a lottery. The ambiance was very lively.

He genuinely felt old. The young people of today were truly energetic, reckless and confident to the point of recklessness. They would throw their arms around his neck and urge him to drink without respect for their elders. The girls, even in the dead of winter, wore short skirts to sing and dance. He worried about them like an old father, worried that they would catch a chill.

She sat in the farthest corner. She knew no one and hadn’t contributed to the company yet, so her name wouldn’t be in the lottery. She sat alone in the corner, solitary and still, with no signs of life.

When it was his turn to speak, he talked a lot. From one topic to another, from ancient to modern times. He concluded his speech by asking everyone present, “What are your life goals?” He looked around the whole venue. There were the company’s front desk staff, designers, sales, after-sales, logistics, and some decorating suppliers.

He bypassed them and pointed at her. “Come, come,” he said, “Now it’s your turn. Come up and introduce yourself. Let everybody get to know you.”

She didn’t dare and kept moving back. Impatient, some people helped her up. Her coat was folded up to her neck due to all the pulling, revealing her pink thermal underwear. Her face turned red as she struggled.

In the middle of everybody’s laughter, he stopped this behavior.

“I will give you my answer. My life goal is to be a wealthy ordinary man,” he said. “Wealth allows me to have a materially abundant life and mental confidence. Being ordinary means that I don’t have so many responsibilities on my shoulders. This is the most ideal state of life.”

He saw her applaud for him and felt a little moved.

“Heads up, should we assign the young girl to be your assistant?” his brother suggested. “She can take care of your needs.”

“Don’t kid around,” he replied. “Let her do her own job in the company, starting from the very bottom.” His brother protested by saying she studied Chinese language and literature. Instead of being a teacher, why was she working there? He defended her, saying “Why can’t she work here? Her organizational abilities are good. We have a public account and a promotional website. Let her operate these.”

However, he hoped to have someone beside him to serve tea and pour water. But she was unsuitable. She was too young to serve tea and water for a middle aged man like him, it would lead to idle gossip in the company. It would impact her reputation adversely. She was only in her twenties, and needed to grow like a normal person.

Once, at a company gathering, he realized she was sitting the furthest away from him. He asked, “Aren’t you the new face who just joined?” She responded quietly, along with everyone else, to toast him.

He didn’t drink and replaced the alcohol with tea.

He asked her again, “Aren’t you studying language, right? Why didn’t you become a teacher?”

She replied, “I did try, I even have the certification for it. But I simply didn’t like that job. It’s too monotonous.”

Hearing this, he thought that she was still naive. If she were a teacher, she would enjoy a stable job and it would be easier for her to find a match. There was no need for her to work in this company. He saw a few children who feared stability and monotony, and came to look for a challenging job. They only experienced the hardships of society after a period of work. Some of these people woke up early, went back to preparing for civil service exams. Some remained stubborn and by the time they woke up, it was too late.

He wanted to tell her all these things but felt inappropriate saying it in front of everyone at the table.

3

The company had a large group. He didn’t join in.

He held on to a very old Nokia phone, the second cell phone of his life, having lost the first one on a train. He intended to use this phone until the day he died.

During the company gatherings, people were busy capturing the moments with their phones. He never took pictures. He didn’t like taking pictures, or even looking in the mirror. When he was young, he was like a beggar, looking for food everywhere without any dignity or image. He wasn’t clear on what he looked like back then. Now, looking into the mirror or taking pictures, his old age made him anxious. It was as though he had never been young and had instantly become old.

One day she came to his office and told him that the corporate account needed some leaders’ photos. She had already taken pictures of Mr. Zhang, who was his elder brother, and now it was his turn.

He surprisingly allowed her to take some pictures of him, and she showed him afterward. The person in the photo looked more energetic than usual, and his eyes had a hint of shyness he hadn’t seen before. He commented, “I’m old, look at how ugly I am in the photo. You young people are much better looking.”

She said, “I will enhance the pictures and upload them to the corporate account for you to see.”

He responded, “I won’t see. Let Mr. Zhang see. He knows how to interact with you young people. He understands the things you know.”

She said, “I really did a very good job. I still hope you will look at it.”

Taking care of the corporate account was the task he had given her. It was only natural she wanted to demonstrate her skills to him. That day, he bought a smartphone, let her help with the card transfer, downloaded WeChat, and followed the company’s official account. He learned very slowly. He could type simple words, which he would lose patience with halfway through, almost throwing a tantrum like a child. She taught him how to send voice messages and videos and how to check his friends’ Moments.

She was the first friend he added.

WeChat Moments was a good feature. He was as if he had discovered a new world and kept an eye on her Moments every day. She posted simple things like a corner of office greenery, the blue sky and white clouds, freshly blossomed roses downstairs, and a bowl of instant noodles with ham.

He had never noticed these things before.

A lot of people around him drove to Tibet, bragging about how the place could cleanse souls and had beautiful scenery. He never felt the same. His impression of Tibet was filled with the stench of a carriage, unconventional desolation, and temples and Buddha statues that kept him company.

He saw the objects she took pictures of, all ordinary objects around him, and for the first time, he felt their beauty. Flowers had lots of colors, with tiny stamens in the middle. Sometimes the clouds were white like a dream, and sometimes they were green like a nightmare. The food she took pictures of were not just foods. The things in her Moments were filled with vitality and emotions.

He started feeling young from the bottom of his heart.

He slept very little. He would get up early and go to the office, holding a thermometer to measure everyone’s temperature. When it was her turn, she rolled up her sleeve a bit, revealing her slender and fair wrist. He quickly measured her temperature.

His face felt a bit hot. He genuinely thought that he was a bit indecent.

4

He had never been with a woman. Not even one. This was certainly not normal, even worse than a man dying under a woman’s skirt out of his inability to resist them.

In his youth, no woman was interested in him, and he didn’t find any woman appealing. He was genuinely disgusted by the word ‘woman’, for a long time, this word made him feel sick.

His initial impression of the word ‘woman’ was formed by his mother.

He had never met his mother, but had heard some fragmented stories about her since he was a child. They said thankfully they were quick-witted, found a woman for his father, and even had a son to carry on the family line.

The woman they spoke of was said to be fat, with buttocks large like a grinding disc. She begged her way to their village and was taken in by his father. His father was already quite old, weak and with his parents passed away. Everyone said he should have a child, so they urged his father to live with the woman. The woman was mentally unstable, frantic and could still converse when she was conscious. People often came home to talk to her under the disguise of concern, but actually, they were there for the drama. The woman ate a lot and would lie down after eating. Because she ate so much, she could lay from one end of the kang bed to the other.

People would click their tongues in disgust as they talked and turn around to spit out melon seed shells when discussing her. Later, the woman got pregnant and gave birth to him. After birth, everyone persuaded his father to send the woman away, saying a person couldn’t afford to feed such a voracious woman. The woman seemed to understand, she knelt on the kang bed and kowtowed incessantly, but in the end, she still couldn’t escape the fate of being kicked out.

The villagers didn’t feel anything wrong. They said they had been kind to her, feeding her so much every day, fattening her up like a pig. They said if they had not taken her in, she would have starved to death a long time ago.

As he grew older, they said that the woman had been wandering along the river and was subsequently picked up by several single men and gave birth to several children. He was disgusted to hear this. Although he was young, he knew this was not a good thing. But these people chatted about it with great interest in front of him. What’s worse, they said to him, “Follow this river upward, and you will find your brothers everywhere.”

Later on, they said she died.

Upon hearing this news, he was incredibly relieved. He was nearly six years old at that time and extremely skinny. His father was a coal miner and he was fostered in a relative’s house. Life was hard for him, with never enough food and constant disdainful looks.

He had some resentment. He resented the woman for wandering to this place, but he didn’t even know what she looked like. He could only resent an impression, a dark past. The past was so abstract and elusive, only being added and embellished by those people. Later his father died in the coal mine. The relatives received a sum of money but did not want to continue fostering him.

From a young age, he thought more than others, why didn’t those who persuaded his father to have descendants come forward at this moment? He grew more and more resentful of every piece of soil in the village and every sour jujube tree by the field. He wished he could grow wings and leave this place immediately. He thickened his skin, waiting tolerantly to grow up.

Growing up didn’t have a specific standard. One day, he felt he had grown up a bit, and then he left.

No one looked for him, after all, taking him in was like taking in a burden.

5

She had been working at the company for half a year, and the novelty gradually wore off. She complained to him on WeChat that she couldn’t learn anything from the company.

She realized things early, which pleased him greatly. He sent her the words he had been holding back for half a year, telling her that life should be planned as early as possible. For example, becoming a teacher is a good choice.

Still, she didn’t like this profession. He said, “I believe you can. If an old guy like me can learn to use a phone and send WeChat messages because of you, you can do anything.” She responded, “These things are simple, even kids can use them. But you’re better than my dad; he’s so stubborn and refuses to accept smartphones.” She declared, “I’m going to quit after this month. Doing the same thing every day is so boring.”

He felt very dejected. Even though he knew this day would come eventually, the reality still hit him hard.

He told her to seriously consider being a teacher, asserting it would make it easier for her to find a husband in the future. Achieving milestones like getting married and having a child required careful planning. He prattled on, as if he was instructing his own daughter.

Perhaps because she was leaving, she unusually shared more of her personal life than usual. She told him about her ex-boyfriend, and how her father threatened to break her legs and she didn’t want to return home, she ended up at his company.

“I was really desperate then. I’m grateful the company took me in,” she confessed.

How desperate could she be? At least she had a home to return to, he rationalized. But what he responded was, “Your dad was just worried about you. As young folks, there are many things you might not see clearly. You’re more susceptible to harm, especially girls.”

She admitted that her boyfriend was indeed unreliable. “Last week, we went rafting, and the raft tipped over. I can’t swim and was pinned down by the raft, nearly drowning. He was only concerned about himself, frantically trying to reach the shore. If it weren’t for a passerby who saved me, I probably would have died.”

He was shocked hearing this. “What happened after that?” he asked.

“We certainly broke up. What a jerk! I’ve become very scared of water since then. I read online that when a person is about to die, they recall many important people in their mind. But I didn’t think of that boyfriend, so I guess I didn’t love him that much.”

“Did you recall… our company?” he questioned.

His query was abrupt, especially given their relationship and age difference.

He realized this when he became aware of something burgeoning. He noticed when he was waiting for her reply, that something had taken root.

After a pause, she responded, “Actually, when a person is truly on the brink of death, there’s not even a feeling of despair, your mind is just blank.”

6

She quit her job at the end of the month, and he instructed finance to give her an additional month’s salary. He has always been generous with children, and finance didn’t comment on this.

The day she left, the weather was not good, but her mood was. He watched her from the window, making her way around the flowerbed where she used to sit, her ponytail swinging high.

He found that he either didn’t understand anything, or once he did, he felt old. He knew he was old enough to be her father, there were things he couldn’t say, paths he couldn’t go further.

The sun shone comfortably through the glass, and he dozed off in the chair. In a daze, he saw a woman walking towards him, her dark heavy hair loosely tied back, she wore a beige qipao and had a pleasant face.

He said, I feel there might be a problem with my feelings, I shouldn’t be attracted to this young girl.

The woman said that feelings don’t distinguish age, especially the first attraction. Your life started late, so the feelings came late. It’s not sleazy, not perverted.

He asked, should I pursue her?

She said, there’s no need to pursue. There is a saying ‘one mountain is put aside, another is blocked’, and it’s not bad, some people will be home for you, others will be the key.

He asked, who are you? why do you know so much?

The woman smiled, her long eyebrows matching her eyes.

I am your mom, she said.

He jolted in the dream, it turned out that deep in his heart, the image of his mother was so wonderful. He felt much better when he woke up.

A year later, he started dating a 50-year-old divorced teacher. He was willing to talk to her about his past, the hardships he had experienced, and the paths he had taken. He didn’t know how much money he had, his friend Zhang calculated his shares as 49%, when it came to money, he never looked and let Zhang save it for him. He said, if he were to die one day, he would like to make a donation to that remote village where he used to belong. But he didn’t want to be buried there. He preferred this small town he’s living in now. It had sunshine, keys, and a home.

The two of them would talk deeply and slowly, never feeling embarrassed no matter the topic. This warm feeling reminded him of the flowers and plants the young girl used to capture, he thought to himself, he was experiencing the same kind of good in this world.