Husband’s Habitual Infidelity, There Are Things I Dare Not Say.

1

Grace and Connor’s third encounter, and he undressed her. This year, Grace is 22 years old, while Connor is 29. She is still in the age of being surrounded by love, while he is already a seasoned player in the game of love. She is so innocent, and he is so experienced. It was Grace’s first time. She is not the kind of girl who casually goes to bed; she genuinely loves this man. She loves him to the extent of risking everything, obeying his every word, and losing herself in love.

2

Grace met Connor in 2010. In her senior year, Grace interned as an accountant at a small e-commerce company. The work was simple, mostly occasional accounting tasks. During downtime, she would secretly play games on QQ, especially the popular crop-stealing game.

Yes, that year, QQ crop-stealing was a big trend.

In a local chat group, Grace added many friends without even saying hello, her sole purpose being to steal virtual crops. Her acquaintance with Connor began when he asked a question about raising dogs in the group.

Grace had always loved puppies since childhood, and her eyes lit up when discussing them. So, she started chatting with him. Unexpectedly, they hit it off. When she spoke, he responded perfectly, creating a smooth conversation.

That afternoon, a smile seemed to linger in Grace’s eyes. Unconsciously, the topic shifted from dogs to personal matters. Connor, seven years older than Grace, had been married and divorced a year ago. He used to work in sales and later started a small company with friends.

Talking about the workplace, even through the screen, Grace could imagine him giving guidance like a seasoned leader. As a newcomer to the workforce, she easily developed feelings of admiration.

Subsequently, whenever Grace faced challenges at work, she instinctively sought advice from Connor. He, in turn, was always willing to share his knowledge, like a supportive elder brother. At that time, Grace never thought that there would be a story between her and Connor.

Before the age of 22, Grace had been relatively oblivious to romantic feelings. She had crushes, and others liked her, but it was all superficial. Until she met Connor, she didn’t truly understand what love was.

3

What is love?

Love should be the breeze on a late summer evening, the rain on a hot afternoon, all surpassed by the person in front of your eyes.

It happened after a month of online chatting. One day, Connor suggested, “I’m passing by your company, want to grab a meal together?” Without hesitation, Grace agreed. At that time, she thought it was a simple opportunity to make a new friend, which wouldn’t hurt her professional development.

However, the moment Grace laid eyes on Connor, she was captivated. Dressed in a navy coat with a plaid scarf, he leaned casually against a Buick. Seeing her, he smiled and said, “Little girl, so natural, really cute.” Grace blushed instantly. If she had known he looked so good, she wouldn’t have come out to meet him. No one knew how much Grace regretted not learning to apply makeup earlier.

She felt somewhat inferior; apart from being younger, she saw no advantages over him. How she wished time could rewind, allowing her to appear beautifully in his life.

During that dinner, Grace couldn’t recall what they ate. Her eyes were fixed on him. Wanting to look at him yet afraid to do so, she listened to his stories, feeling like she had entered a vast world. In that world, there were birds singing, flowers blooming, and him — so wonderfully beautiful.

However, Grace never expected that after the meal, as they walked down the street, he would hold her hand. He said, “Be my girlfriend.” Grace didn’t know what else to do but nod foolishly. The feeling he brought her was truly amazing — handsome, gentle, mature, and stable. This was completely different from any boy Grace had encountered before.

She realized she had never dated before because she hadn’t met someone she genuinely liked.

4

Truly liking someone is probably when whatever they say goes, and your heart doesn’t obey your own commands. So, during their third encounter, when Connor suggested getting a room, Grace didn’t refuse.

Before that, she was a somewhat conservative girl. When Connor realized Grace was still quite innocent, he was both surprised and delighted. Holding her, he asked, “Would you marry me?” Grace looked at his handsome face, feeling like she was in a dream. She didn’t answer him, but a thousand voices in her heart said, “I do.”

Honestly, being in a relationship with Connor was a prestigious affair. He took the girls from the dormitory to the best restaurants. This man was both handsome and humorous, knowing how to balance jokes and seriousness. That’s the advantage of dating an older man, right? Understanding boundaries and knowing how to win a girl’s heart.

However, at that time, Grace didn’t realize how many girls a man had to go through to cultivate such composure and calmness.

After graduating from college, Connor said, “Move in with me.” Grace obediently brought her pots and pans. It was referred to as a home, but it was just an empty house. During the divorce, all the furniture went to his ex-wife, and Connor was left with a debt of a hundred thousand.

Love is blind, and Grace didn’t mind these details. Little did she know, Connor would soon deliver a heavy blow.

5

As a handsome man who has been through a divorce, Connor undoubtedly has a story to tell. On the first night of cohabitation, deeply moved, Connor said, “Grace, there’s something I’ve been thinking about, and I believe I must confess to you.”

He then candidly revealed that he had two long-term affairs during his first marriage. Grace was left bewildered. She couldn’t understand why Connor would share such romantic escapades with her. Didn’t he realize how shocking and painful it would be for her to hear these things?

Connor explained, “Because I want to spend my life with you, I must bid farewell to the past. What’s done is done.” But how could that be so easily accepted?

Before this revelation, Grace only knew that Connor and his ex-wife divorced because of their differing views on having children. The ex-wife was carefree and didn’t want to have kids. When she unexpectedly became pregnant, she chose to terminate the pregnancy. Connor, angered and devastated, loved children deeply, but nobody knew. The couple argued incessantly about this, eventually leading to their divorce. In reality, the divorce did occur because of this issue, and the ex-wife was unaware of Connor’s infidelities.

Grace found herself in a state of panic. With her 22 years of life experience, she couldn’t accept a man being unfaithful in a marriage. She decided to break up and move out.

However, she loved him so much. When he stood downstairs at the company, eyes red from crying, waiting for her, she couldn’t bear to leave. Connor said, “I told you all this because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It’s because I love you that I don’t want you to hear these things from someone else. By confessing, I’m also telling myself that I will only love you for the rest of my life.”

Grace believed him. She not only believed in Connor but also in her ability to bring stability to a wanderer.

6

Grace decided to turn the page on this matter in her heart. With the additional burden of Connor’s 100,000 yuan debt, they both focused on earning money, and attention shifted.

During that period, the performance of Connor’s company wasn’t great, leading to its closure. He returned to the sales industry and became busier. Before long, Grace became pregnant. Connor immediately bought bags full of gifts, ready to meet her parents and danced around like a child who got candy.

In that moment, Grace was certain that Connor genuinely loved children. Perhaps that’s why he couldn’t bear his ex-wife terminating the pregnancy. The meeting with her parents went smoothly. Connor was genuinely well-received by the elders. Handsome, sweet-talking, and lovable, everyone had no objections after the introductions. Of course, Grace concealed the romantic escapades, and they only knew about his brief marriage history.

Their marriage was settled. Due to the outstanding debt, they skipped the wedding dress photoshoot and ceremony, opting only to register their marriage. Connor felt guilty.

Indeed, a woman’s love is paramount. As long as she loves you, no amount of hardship seems unbearable. However, Connor ultimately let Grace down.

7

When Grace was three months pregnant, she suffered from severe morning sickness. Connor was busy with work and couldn’t take care of her. She returned to her hometown, where her parents could look after her. However, Grace was constantly anxious about the debt. When she was five months pregnant, she rushed back to work.

On her first day back, Grace craved a cold dish. Without a second word, Connor went downstairs to buy it for her. While Grace was bored and playing on the computer, she unintentionally stumbled upon his chat records with another girl. She was stunned.

During her time back at her parents’ home, he had been intimate with someone else. The evidence was indisputable, and Connor had to admit to his actions. The girl was someone he had been unfaithful with during his previous marriage.

Grace’s heart was pierced by those words. It hurt, so much that she felt like she couldn’t breathe. But wasn’t this the path she had chosen for herself?

8

Grace continuously slapped her own belly, crying that she wanted to have an abortion and get a divorce. She cried and cried, as if trying to let out all the grievances. Connor’s response was, “I knew her before I met you; it doesn’t count as infidelity.”

This perspective frightened Grace. She asked him, “So, does that mean sleeping with your ex-wife and ex-girlfriends now is not considered infidelity either?” Connor fell silent.

He apologized, claiming confusion and admitting to his mistakes. Grace knew that she should have aborted the child and divorced him at that moment, cutting her losses. But the child was already five months along, and she couldn’t bring herself to give up.

Connor swore never to hurt her again, but Grace couldn’t trust him. Her heart felt like it had a needle in it, causing daily pain. She cried, questioned him repeatedly, asking why he treated her this way. There were no answers, just the fact that Connor was a scoundrel, something she was unwilling to admit.

It wasn’t until the seventh month of pregnancy that Grace, looking at the resentful woman in the mirror, suddenly understood. Since she had decided to keep the child, she had to be responsible. She started eating well and living a good life, putting an end to her agitation.

At the same time, her attitude toward Connor changed. Once willing to do anything for him, she now responded to him with indifference. Her heart had truly been broken. Unmoved, it wouldn’t be hurt.

Connor, on the other hand, seemed uncomfortable with her coldness. He appeared to settle down a bit, showing more care for her. He faithfully drove her to and from work, prepared meals for her, and carefully attended to her needs. Unfortunately, she no longer believed in him.

9

In August 2012, their daughter was born safely. A beautiful girl with big eyes, she perfectly replicated Connor’s good looks. When Grace and the baby were wheeled out of the operating room together, Connor’s eyes reddened. He held her and whispered in her ear, “Wife, you’ve worked hard.”

His mother, biased toward boys, wore a displeased expression upon learning it was a girl and urged Grace to have a second child quickly. Connor directly confronted his mother, stating that there was no need for another child. He loved the thoughtful nature of daughters, describing them as cozy little cotton jackets. His mother felt a bit awkward but didn’t press the matter further. In that moment, Grace felt grateful to Connor. If only those past troubles hadn’t occurred, it would have been perfect. She would have thought she had married the best man in the world.

After the postpartum period, Grace’s mother was unable to help with the baby, and Connor’s mother refused to do so. Grace had to manage on her own. Until their daughter turned three, Grace revolved around the child while Connor took on the responsibility of earning a living.

During those three years, Grace admitted that Connor was a qualified father, almost becoming a bit of a daughter’s enthusiast. No matter how busy he was, he made sure to spend time with their daughter. On weekends, he took their daughter out to play and cooked delicious meals for her. Their daughter was very attached to him. This was something Grace hadn’t anticipated — Connor being such a good dad.

Grace’s heart was warm, but that needle was still there. Sometimes it jumped out unexpectedly, causing Grace unbearable pain, leading to conflicts with Connor. However, as their daughter grew older, Grace didn’t want her to witness this side of her — so wild and distressed. She kept restraining herself, but after a while, she needed an outlet. After their daughter started kindergarten, Grace decided to return to the workplace.

10

Grace decided to leave her original profession and ventured into sales. It’s hard to articulate why, but perhaps the world that Connor had seen made her curious and eager to try something new. It was challenging in the beginning. Working tirelessly every day, she struggled to show results. Connor said, “Why bother? As long as I’m making money for the family.” His words were sweet, but she no longer believed him.

After enduring the toughest days, Grace gradually found success in her career. She met many outstanding people, got involved in remarkable projects, and bit by bit, her thinking and personality underwent changes. She became decisive and no longer harbored suspicions or insecurities.

Grace was no longer the 22-year-old Grace, and in truth, Connor was no longer the 29-year-old Connor. Today, ten years later, the astonishing changes that time brought to Connor are truly remarkable.

11

In the past, Grace often heard people say, “Mountains and rivers can change, but one’s nature is hard to change.” She experienced firsthand how challenging it is for a prodigal to reform. However, in this world, some men may act recklessly because, fundamentally, they haven’t grown up yet. For example, Connor before the age of 29. Due to his handsome appearance, he had relationships with various women during those years. Moreover, with the in-law preference for sons over daughters, anything Connor did was considered good at home. Even when Connor brought a girl home overnight at the age of 16, his mother didn’t say a word against it. This includes his infidelity in his first marriage, with his mother consistently defending him, thinking it was normal for a man to be a bit flirtatious outside.

In other words, Connor lacked the right values and didn’t know how to love someone wholeheartedly. Whenever one girl left, another would immediately come forward. Connor’s ex-wife practically served him like a slave — bathing him, cutting his toenails, cooking for him, and his wardrobe was full of his clothes. He had been spoiled by women. When it came to Grace, if she hadn’t been heartbroken, she probably would have followed the same path as his ex-wife, obediently listening to everything Connor said.

As Grace’s feelings for him faded, she unexpectedly let go of the household matters, which inadvertently led to his growth. It’s a case of one thing suppressing another.

12

How to describe the seven or eight years after marriage? Since discovering Connor’s infidelity, Grace has never actively done anything for him. He buys his own clothes and shoes, while she focuses on dressing herself and their daughter. It seems like Connor wants to make amends. Despite being married for so many years, he still calls and messages Grace incessantly after work, sharing every trivial detail with her. Having worked in sales for many years, his income is considerable, perhaps two or three times that of Grace.

However, Connor doesn’t have a bank card, and all the money is in Grace’s account. Whether it’s major expenses like buying a car or furniture or minor ones like groceries, Connor takes care of everything. He comes home promptly after work to cook, to the extent that Grace hasn’t set foot in the kitchen for years. He even has more patience than her when it comes to helping their daughter with homework.

A few years ago, the company headquarters wanted to transfer him there. After much hesitation, Connor chose to decline, stating that no amount of money is more important than being with Grace and their child. Connor has become someone perceived by outsiders as a devoted husband and father. Prior to this, he had never understood the meaning of responsibility or truly tried to win over a woman. When Grace stopped being suspicious every day and focused on making herself outstanding, it turned out that Connor was the one kneeling to please her.

13

On today’s date in 2020, Connor is approaching 40 years old, while Grace, at 32, has evolved both in demeanor and personal experiences from the young woman she was a decade ago. With Grace having a bachelor’s degree and Connor only completing vocational training, he seems to harbor some feelings of inferiority, perhaps stemming from his own past infidelity, worrying that she might follow suit.

On their 8th wedding anniversary, Connor expressed numerous words of affection. He claimed he couldn’t be without her, asserting that she had transformed his perspectives and taught him the meaning of love and family. Grace is uncertain whether the dynamics between her and Connor now resemble romantic love or familial affection, but the one certainty is that Connor has changed, almost undergoing a complete transformation.

You might question if this is possible, given that infidelity is typically considered as either happening or not. In Connor’s case, the potential for change may be rooted in the fact that he isn’t fundamentally bad. If their daughter made Connor mature overnight, it was Grace’s ability to let go and remain composed that truly triggered a sense of crisis in him.

Since they didn’t have a wedding ceremony or take wedding photos initially, Connor repeatedly expressed the desire to make up for it. However, Grace consistently refused. She’s no longer the girl she used to be, and by withholding her previous mindset, she leaves him in a perpetual state of guilt.

The needle in Grace’s heart has always been there, but it stopped hurting a long time ago. When people inquire about how she managed to subdue such a handsome husband, Grace simply smiles without providing an answer. Some things from the past, the grievances, and the hurts — she dares not speak of them, doesn’t want to speak of them, and perhaps, can’t speak of them anymore. In truth, there are no tricks; she merely made herself live beautifully, and his heart stayed with her.